Confession

I am not writing this as blog/a write-up/an article etc. I am writing this as Mahima Kumar for whom statuses and 140 characters are too less to express the feeling I am feeling right now. 

I want to confess that I am freakin SCARED after what all is happening. I would not specify any geographical region here but I am seriously scared. I thought of myslef as a very brave girl, very tomboyish who did hold collars of friends in college and fought with people in metro or DTC bus. I fight, I fight with chai wala for hitting a dog, I fight with men for staring my friend, I fight with a lady who tries to brake the que, I fight with people outside the mall begging and asking for ice creams, I fight with auto walas for 10 Rs to save my hard earned money. 

BUT now I am scared, I am scared of walking on the road, getting down the stairs alone, walking down from station to home ( which is not even 100m ) I am scared of fighting back. I know this is the most foolish thing girls could do at this stage. I know we should be brave and strong and fight back but when I think of it that this thing could let me feel failed, I can only imagine what other girls are feeling. 

I am mourning today not only for that girl but for myself for other girls who would think twice to go for a movie on a sunday evening. 

I rest my case. Yeas, this is what has been left into deep corners of our hearts.

Everybody hurts, Everybody cries

Saw this pic shared by a male acquaintance on facebook. People share a lot of stuff these days on fb, but there are 2 reasons why this caught my eyes for a minute and mind until I wrote this blog. One, that it made me think something about tears and many other related things. Second, it was shared by a male. Yeas as its a "thing" that men don't cry very easily.

So many things came running to my mind after that about crying, men crying, easy crying, cry babies and all. So thought what is my kind ?
Sometimes its so difficult to cry in front of people who are the actual cause of it and those people never come to know that they made me so sad that I cried. Sometimes I cry in front of those people whom with I am having a fight and tears roll out of my eyes without any reason, my furiousness on them bring my tears and make me look weak ( I hate this situation the most ). Sometimes I cry just randomly, I go numb in the middle of doing anything, sitting and thinking about something.Strangers  at times look into my eyes in metro while I am traveling to & fro to work and go into shock of what made me cry suddenly. Sometimes I cry by just calling a friend and he/she might not be even the reason why I am crying ( I call those friends my 'Call n Cry' CnC friends).

Everybody cries, EVERYBODY. I haven't heard a story of a living being who does not cries. The difference is just the level you can keep them in you. Or may be what is the situation, the surroundings, the thoughts that make you cry.


This reminds me of the song "Everybody hurts" from R.E.M. So, hold on.
(until of course your kinda situation is created to cry for)

Colour me red - A short story

It was her birthday today. She woke up bright with her eyes shining, looking for new things in life. Nothing was preplanned for the occasion so she was obviously ready for the back end planning we had done. She was ready to be surprised. As I was busy in my daily chores, she hopped pass by everybody in the house and landed in the kitchen, surprisingly headed for her glass of milk and approached me with her eyes full of questions unanswered. What more I could have expected with my 8 year daughter, Esha and her patience level as the children of her age usually have an bank of questions which they keep handy. I told her to get ready soon as we were leaving to visit some people. When she asked me to choose among her red satin dress with pretty fine white net or a bright yellow tank top with white capris for her to wear, I told her to wear anything, as it doesn't really matter. She looked confused thinking why would I say such a thing to her not advising her specially on her special day. She headed straight towards her wardrobe and was ready within 40 minutes at the gate with her red dress on. Taking everybody's compliments with a big smile, she sat with me in the car.


While on our way, she talked with her dad over phone who was traveling for business and took many promises for n no. of gifts she wanted. She also persuaded me to book the cake for the evening party on our way so that it will be ready well on time. She said she wanted her cake in a special color and shape. I suggested to visit the cake shop on our way back before lunch and promised her we wont be late.

We reached the destination and there she got out of the car and read the white letters on a blue tampered board in front of her. She read it out slowly and loudly as " Chhavi, thee school of blaaind" and then she read it again with clear phonetics, "Chhavi, the school of blind"

We went inside, met kids of her age, younger and even elder to her. She distributed sweets to them and played few games as well. A girl of age about 10, named Shreya came to her and asked what dress she is wearing as she cant see her.

For a fraction of second she looked into my eyes and I indicated her to carry on and I could see pride in her eyes as she thought she is getting along with the kids well and in fact helping them understand things they cant see.

She started explaining as I watched her, she told and explained Shreya really well that she was wearing a 1 piece dress, tight from the top and layery from the bottom. When she asked the color of dress. She told her it was red with white net. Shreya with her complete innocence asked which is the red color. Esha repeated that she was wearing red color dress. Shreya with no fear of anything asked again. Esha got irritated and looked at me, I gave her a confused look myself and indicated her to try again.

She turned back to Shreya, who was eagerly waiting for the answer. Esha paused to think for another 5 seconds, looked into Shreaya's eyes and told her that colors dont matter much and not think about it. Its red and white to be named as. Esha then turned to me and whispered into my ears me a new discovery for her, that blind people dont know colours and many such things possible to be signified in life.

We soon moved out for lunch, she was quite all over the lunch with few little discussions of the evening party where her friends were coming over. On our way back home, we dropped by the cake shop and as soon I asked her which colour and shape cake she wanted. In no more than 2 seconds, she said straight to the person on the other side of the counter, "you know what it doesnt even matter what colour or shape it is, few ppl in earth dont even know colors, just see to it that it tastes sweet"
And I knew my gift to her has been given and well registered.

And I thank you.... for not being there

We all have many relationships which are special to us. Those relationships become special because of some special reasons. Those reasons can be like, the people involved, sharing of same political, social, economical thoughts. Sharing same kinda interests like music, reading etc etc. Or just may be because you are such inseparable friends that you never got time to hault and think, what exactly is there in us which keeps us US :)

Its a strong belief in me that every relationship has a happy phase and ultimately that phase ends sooner or later. In every small to big relation I have with people around (other than my family & few selected frds who do not change forever) I keep on saying to myself again & again, whispering to myself that its a phase and it will end, it has to end. (though phase can be happy or sad but I am notifying here to a happy phase here).

With all the people I have known till date, the so as to say chemistry has changed with time in each relationship, which is the part I hate about relationships. Why god dammit people change with time? So now I always keep a small note in my mind repeating to myself that "its a phase, this shall change, this not permanent" and (try) & stop my heart to completely fall into it. And history does repeats itself every time. Things change, situations change, people change. Hence I am left crying (earlier I actually used to), feeling hollow & numb(I still feel now).

Sometimes that phase is long enough that you actually start feeling yeas, I have won this time and this relation is here to stay with me, like forever. And some are small and some medium.

There was (yeas was) such relationship where life had to show me that, it has to be like the rule and none of us in the relationship involved could help it but watch it ending. Yeas the happy phase ended, without intimating me this time. None of us till date has figured out, what exactly happened, why it happened. But that change in the relationship did leave some bitterness in me and now I really thank the person to be not here with me today. Thank you for not being here when I want to break the rule and have a pizza, thank you for not being here when I have fought with my bro and wants to bitch about him, thank you for not being here when I want to go out, have coffee on a rainy day in winter even when in office, thank you for not being here with me when I just dont wanna do anything but just talk to someone, thank you for not being here when I want to cry without any reason. This definitely makes me strong and makes my belief even stronger that "its a phase, it ends, sometimes really harshly, so I better not fall for it the next time"

I am really thankful to you my friend.

Life ek tension hai

Life ek tension hai, jisme na koi pension hai
Jo bhi isme action hai, sab logo ki affiliation hai
ab yeh bhi ek sensation hai, life ki kya calculation hai

Life se humko affection hai, isme mein bhi koi permutation combination hai
ab humne kar li isse addiction hai, dia jo isne hume bhi kabhi ek carnation hai
Chalo congratulation hai, kuch to bana correlation hai

Life ek tension hai, jisme na koi pension hai

Check out Revolution 2020 by Chetan Bhagat @ Rs 20 - Refer & Win

Check out Revolution 2020 by Chetan Bhagat @ Rs 20 - Refer & Win

Har ek friend zaruri hota hai

The New Airtel Ad, the new advertising anthem, dil ko chho jaane wala.

Advertising concepts have definitely surpassed from the people in the concerned industry to the common man, who now take interests of who thought of the concept? who wrote the copy (text,words,lyrics as called in layman's language) ? who gave the music? who produced the ad? and all that.

Advertising is now looked upon with same respect as the TV soaps and shows. My niece sings "hum mein hai HERO" with the same zeal as she sings "dhinka chika"

Loads about advertising in our life. Anyways, was talking about the Airtel Ad. The feel of the ad is so refreshing after which it reminds us of our long time, short time, masti time and every time friend, as they say it "har ek friend zaruri hota hai".

But to think of it, it depicts us so deeply and clearly that it left me with a very sour thought the other day when I was watching it, that we have friends for every small thing, how selfish and self centered we have become that we posses even friends ( the gift of god ) with such comfort to us.

Of how we want them to be, of when we want them, of why we want them and all. Such has relationships become in our life that they come, they go, they hurt,they love, they make us laugh,they make us cry, they motivate, they demotivate, they hold us, they let us fall, they teach us to breathe,they make us choke, but very few stays with us for long, for very long.

P.S - Yeas I also have friends for different purpose. True, but such is life dearies :) Love All.